One for the Road.

It has been a rollercoaster of a year; a rollercoaster of emotions.

I loved and lost. Then loved again and lost again. I'm still hurting over this heartbreak and it will be tumultuous trying to get over 8 years of you. I still dont know how you do it but I shall try. There will be good days and bad days. For now, bad days outweigh the good but I hope 2015 would bring better ones. Sometimes i want to switch off my emotions so badly because I feel like everything is so bleak and gloomy. There isn't a day that I don't miss you and wish that we can start over on a blank slate (which is nearly impossible). Heartbreak has brought me to the lowest of lows and now the only way now is up.  So far, I've learnt from my mistakes and am still trying to come to terms with some regrets that I still have. If i could change things in the past, I would (be a better girlfriend for e.g.). I feel so shallow and lame for letting my love life define me and determine my year & outlook on life but I guess it really did affect me tremendously. I trust that my heart will find its way if it's meant to be sigh. But most importantly, I guess in the end I know I should want you to be happy. With or without me.

2014 has taught me a lot; to be more independent, to treasure friends and family and to never take things/moments/people for granted. Life is fickle and every little moment has to be treasured.
And I'm really grateful for the wonderful friends who have been by my side even though I know i can be annoying sometimes lol. And to those going on exchange, have fun, stay safe and make new memories. I'm gonna miss yall so much :') May our friendships stay gold ♡♡♡

Sooooo my reflection aside...
Happy New Year everyone!
May all my friends and family find more happiness, love, good health, laughter, and adventure in the coming year.

And I hope I do too...

imy x.

Today my relatives asked me about you/us. It made me really sad to admit out loud that we are no longer together and that I don't know what's going in your life. Probably the only things I found 'amusing' were the awkward silences that ensued and the countless "don't worry, you'll find someone else" coupled with sympathetic looks -.-

& I really don't know who I can talk to anymore. Just feeling so distant from everyone else because i dont wanna unload all my shit onto anyone.
Or maaaayyybeeeee I'm just overthinking.

Xmas @ Wilma's!

I miss you so fucking much it hurts. I'm so weak right now for longing after you and crying like a baby. I don't wanna admit it sometimes but i want to stay here in sg and not fly away so i can be with you again. Is that being weak? Longing and loving someone who obviously doesnt feel the same anymore. Our love was true and I dont know if I can feel that way anymore and it scares me so much. I'm so sorry for the things I've done to hurt you (not like my apology matters like you said)

Always x.

O Holy Night

Merry Christmas!

My favourite holiday of the year is here! It's been a rough year but I'm thankful for all I have right now. Would have loved to spend Christmas with you though.
Christmas carols/hymns on endless repeat because christmas hence legit haha.

It was good seeing you today. I missed you.

Unspoken words and fleeting touches.

Pretty lights make me happy.

Note to self: never ever try to kill myself over a guy.

I need to be happier and less emo on my blog.

lame but wdv

1. You’ll tell yourself you’re okay but you’re not.

2. You will feel emotionally numb and will do something — anything — that will give you feeling.

3. The person who was once the center of your life suddenly becomes a total stranger, and it’s the hardest pill to swallow.

4. One day you discover they’ve deleted you on Facebook but you still have all the same friends and relatives in common. Nothing could be more final or make you more sad.

5. You will always think about them, especially if you have been together for a long time. Foods and smells remind you of them. TV shows you watch remind you of them because they are shows you used to watch together.

6. You’ll miss watching them do completely regular, non sexual things like drying off after a shower or taking a picture of them while they’re still sleeping and texting it to them later in the day.

7. You’ll miss the silly way you used to cook in your underwear. You’ll miss hearing them say, “I love you.”

8. You’ve replayed every single mistake you made in the relationship in your mind. You really were an asshole.

9. Deep down you’ll wish you two could start over with a clean slate. Four months later, eight months later, one year later you still love them but know they’ve moved on.

10. Your friends tell you the best thing during a break up, even if you’re the one who got ditched, is to let them go. “If you really love someone you should learn to let them go,” you’ll be told. It will seem like cruel and unusual punishment.

11. You will snoop on their Instagram and be sad by how happy they look without you — happy for them, sad for you.

12. You’ll sleep with the stuffed animal they gave you when you first started dating as you wonder if you will ever be able to love like that again, if anyone will love you the way they did.

13. A friend will tell you they have been single for four years since their last relationship, and the thought of being single for four years terrifies you.

14. People will ask you what happened with so-in-so and your stomach will drop.

15. You will wake up from “we got back together” dreams that felt so real.

16. You’ll go on dates with other people, always comparing them to your ex. This one’s too nice, this one talks funny, that one isn’t smart or creative enough, she’s kind of weird, he’s too much of a bro. No one else will compare.

17. You will never fuck up another relationship like this ever again.

18. You will learn to be okay.

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause you're not where you belong;
inside my arms.

How do I start moving on? :'(

So many hours spent still thinking of you even though we haven't talked and met up for more than 2 months. Is that even possible? sigh. 

I don't think anyone can ever replace you x.

Exams are overrrr!

Why does it seem so easy for you? That you're not even hurting?
Im afraid of the weeks ahead where there isn't school to occupy me.