new beginnings

It's the last night in essex and I'm gonna miss this place a lot. Just done with packing 'cept for some last minute items which I will pack in tomorrow. These five months were surreal and it feels like I just flew over in Jan. Well, I'm glad I had some me-time during these few months and have the opportunity to see the world and get over my past troubles. It hasn't been wholly successful but I know I've grown stronger and more independent. I'm kinda afraid to go home because it just means it's back to reality :/ But it has been an epic adventure and I still have a month to go till home so imma treasure the last moments of exchange :)

Got a very bad case of homesickness today. I wanna go back to singapore to my loved ones so badly. Might be just a phase because the guys are headed home so it probably triggered something in me. Plus, I was being the usual fucked up person to someone that I care a lot about. I just feel like there's no one there for me now, and I feel so alone typing this in my room. Spent the day curled up in bed with my laptop on the verge of crying and sporadically breaking out into pathetic sobs. I'm sucha loser. Sigh. A cuddle would do wonders right now. 

Will everything be okay? :'(

My heart hurts. So much.

Haven't felt like this in a long while.

I have no idea what I'm feeling right now. A mix of everything but mostly sadness.
But maybe deep down, I'm the one worth leaving. I'm not worthy nor good enough.

"Always fall asleep when you’re waking
I count the hours on my hands
Doing the math to the time zone you’re at
Is an unseen part of the plan
But if you’ll be my bluebird returning
Then I’ll be your evergreen."

I don't seem to do anything right to you. I just want to fucking break down and curl up and cry.

I haven't blogged in so longgggg